Currently Chasing: An App for that

I'm not as young as I used to be. Shocker. So when I had an opportunity recently to go out in DC (even though I hate DC) I took it. And I don't hate DC in the way that people hate Rebecca Black. I hate DC in the way that people hate friends that text you and then you try to call them instead of text them (because you are driving in some kind of fucked up city with one-way streets and impromptu parades that take place while you are waiting to make a right turn - DC I'm talking to you) and then they don't pick up the phone.

But my brother (is he still called that even though my dad and his mom haven't been married for about 13 years now) called and said he'd be in DC and that I should swing by and have dinner. As if it is possible to just swing by DC. Sure, I'll swing by, if by swing you mean sit in traffic for an hour as my left arms gets skin cancer through the window.

On the bright side a friend of mine (datemedc) also lives in DC (well, virginia..but the part of virginia that I hate just as much as DC) and we decided to make it a girls night. I had to wake up Saturday morning for work at the Pentagon anyway, so I figured, I'd just stay the night, which would save me the headache of waking up super early and making my way out to the city in the a.m. Good Plan.

So I arrive ... find a place to park (not a total nightmare) then go have dinner with my brother (who is about 45 or so) and his fiancé (who is about 13 or so.) We sit down at a table and he and I order from our big person menu while she plays tic-tac-toe on her kiddie menu and orders the chicken nuggets with ranch. (I'm kidding… Barbecue sauce.)

After dinner I go out to get my car and of course...I can't find it. (This happens too often.) I realize fairly quickly that it's on a different level and finally find it and drive to my friend’s house.

We head toward the metro, make our way to the train and get on. Off we go. Then after awhile the train stops for what seems like a really long time. Then it moves again. One stop. Then a voice comes on and tells us the train is out of commission. Of course it is. We hop off and wait for the very next train going in that direction. We hop on that train and then guess what...all of a sudden we are going in the wrong direction. I don't even know how it happened, but I know why it happened. It's DC!

We decide to catch a cab and end up meeting up with another friend. (I would link to her blog but the last one she wrote had to do with me and a penis, and I'm not sure I'm ready to be that honest with anyone.)

Dateme was getting hit on everywhere we went. Like something I've never seen before. Men just walking up to her on the street, telling her she was pretty and asking her for her number. Wow. Behold.

We end up in some bar with a phallic banana on the window. We go in. There is a bad 80's cover band but we don't care. I proceed to drink a lot of things mixed with Red Bull. By the time they kick us out it is 3:30 am. By the time we get home it's 4. I have to get up in 2.5 hours for work.

So Saturday I wake for work, tired, mild headache...but feeling like the night was worth the uncomfort the day might bring. I spend the day at the Pentagon and then finally it's time to head home. I go out to the parking lot and guess what? MY CAR HAD BEEN STOLEN. I mean really? As if the Pentagon hasn't endured enough? There are security guards all over that place. I mean besides being illegal, it is just downright rude to steal a car out of the Pentagon parking lot!

So I get a guard and he's talking to me about the car, asking when I parked it there...looking at cars that look similar to mine and asking if that car is indeed mine, and I'm assuring him that I'm crazy, but I'm not that fucking crazy and that no, that is definitely not my car. And I'm growing increasingly anxious because my purse, badges, credit cards and ID's are in there...not to mention my Zumba CD's...and lord knows I don't want to have to burn more of those!

Finally he gets a call on his magic ear piece and he says, let's go up here to lot 21. And I say, I didn't park there, I parked right here. And he said, well let's just swing by lot 21...and I want to punch his face cause he used the words SWING BY...and when we get up to lot 21, what do we see. My car. I guess I did park it there. Isn't there an App for that? Or medication?