Currently Chasing: Anti-Social Media

Facebook, myspace, twitter, delicious, tweetmyface, digg and who knows how many more. Social media sites. You can contact everyone in your past and rehash every single failed relationship you've ever been in. I wish I could find my first boyfriend. I would ask him how come he lied about his mom coming right before we kissed outside of the library. That was third grade. I never got closure. I better search the internet and find that boy! Lord knows my life can't go on unless we go back out, and this time, end things violently. I can hardly wait.

There is even face-recognition software that will literally scan the internet and find every single photo of you posted anywhere on the Web...And trust me, that concept is scary for some of us. Divorce rates have doubled since the birth of these social media sites. Too easy to refish for that 'one that got away.' With this new technology ... no fish gets very far, and people are playing catch and release all damn day.

But there are still people out there without a facebook page and without a care in the world if they are never contacted by a random stranger asking for a friend. I know one of those people. And he is going to start an anti-social media brigade. He will add people to his anti-social media page, just for the sole purpose of unfriending them. He will send tweets every couple of hours to these people to let them know that he doesn't want to speak to them. He will post wall messages to remind them of things they've done in their past that make them useless sinners.

When they virtually poke him, he will literally drive to thier homes and punch them in the face. When they start a mafia battle, he will rage a mafia war. When they send him a drink, he will throw it in their face. When they build a farm, he will rape their sheep. Maybe? Only the ugly ones. They are better in bed.

I respect the stand he's taking. But I gotta say ... besides the bullshit tagging, I actually love these sites. It's entertaining to see pictures of that guy you went to the dance with, who spent the whole night dancing with someone else. That asshole who took you to sizzler and just watched you eat, but didn't order anything because then he'd be obligated to pay. That same jerk who made you pay for the photos of the two of you; the photos of you faking a smile to hide your total humiliation. Why is it entertaining? Because now you are fucking hot as hell and he's a fucking dump truck! But you know what...? It would be fucking fun to unfriend him. Send him messages reminding him to drink a slim fast. Maybe even a small dick joke or two.

But I refuse to fuck a sheep. No matter how Anti-social I become.