Currently Chasing: A Reason To Say Cheese

So I have a picture on my fridge from March of last year. My friend and I had taken a cruise to Jamaica and had a photograph taken of us in the water wearing our bikinis. I’ve always loved that picture. Until yesterday.

A friend of mine came over to help me paint my daughter’s room. (I think the color I used was actually called “Obnoxious Pink.”) While he’s there, he takes a glance at the fridge and says, “Wow, that’s a great picture. Your body looked great there.”

Ok, now I can take this to mean one of three things.

A. Your body probably isn’t that great, it just looked great in that photo.
B. Your body always looks good and it’s nice that you photographed it for your fridge.
C. Your body looked great there, but doesn’t look great anymore.

So guess which one I went with?

Immediately I fire back.

“What are you trying to say? Do I look different from that now?”

“I don’t know,” he answers back. “Do you?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Do I?”

That could have gone on forever. He quickly changes the subject and moves on to the task at hand. However, I’m still suffering from the reality beat down I just encountered.

I thought to myself, “Do I look different? I was working out more then. I had hired that personal trainer. I was working out three times a week. It’s possible I’ve gained weight since then. I probably have. I’m sure I have. I’m a fat piece of double chocolate cake. I’m never eating again.”

Until I do of course.

My point is photos are the devil. They either cause me to remember that I used to be fat, or they help to remind me that I’m not as skinny as I once was. They aren’t healthy and they aren’t treasures. I’m always anxious to show people picture albums. Almost like saying…if you don’t like how I look right now, no problem. Just take a gander through these profile pics and tell me which look you prefer. See, I can look hot…oh, here, look at this one…sexy right? Or what about this with the glasses? I’m smart I swear.

It’s all pressure. Pressure to look better than you did, or pressure to look as good as you did. Fuck it, I’m not going on a diet. I’m simply burning my camera. They say pictures steal your soul…too bad they can’t steal your fat ass.