Currently Chasing: Marriage ... the way I thought it was

Let me warn you. This may not be a popular blog. It may not be what people want to hear. But then again, the truth never is.

I’m starting to really doubt the concept of marriage. When I was a young girl I dreamed about getting married on the beach in San Diego. My family would all be there looking on and my father would walk me down the aisle. There would be a beautiful sunrise, I’d wear a flowing white dress and cute white flip flops. I would take pictures of the flip flops and my friends and I would laugh about it later.

There were two parts of that dream that came true. I got married in San Diego, and I was wearing sandals. There was no flowing white dress because I was eight months pregnant and as big as a house. I wore a moo moo, which was basically all I could find to fit my big ass. I wore brown sandals. Not because I wanted to, but because my feet and ankles were so swollen I couldn’t fit much else. I didn’t get married on the beach, I got married near some rose bushes and my family wasn’t there. However, my brother was there to be a witness for us and capture the moment on a disposable camera. My father didn’t give me away. In fact, I don’t even think I told my dad until a couple of weeks later. It just didn’t cross my mind.

When you think about marriage you think about you and someone else, together forever. In love. Forever. And ever. Amen. But recently it seems that some married men are really only good for one thing; Being a completely awesome boyfriend.

Here’s where this blog becomes unpopular…

A few of my friends are involved in relationships that are bad for their health. Meaning, that man isn’t quite ‘available’ if you get my meaning. But here is the problem. Married men say exactly what women want to hear. They will tell you they wish they could be married to you. They will tell you they love you. They will tell you how perfect the two of you would be together, but that’s only because they are already married. If they were single, you’d be calling them on that shit, and they’d be backing up that commitment truck pronto. But since they are already married, there is nothing they can really offer you, and you know that, so that frees them up to say whatever will make the most clothes fall off your body.

They have no problem saying that you two are meant to be and they have no problem saying that you should grow old together. Because they are just words…and words don’t cost a thing. In the end…it’s….if, if and only IF … I wasn’t married. But I is. And don't you mistake it.

Let’s pretend for a moment they decide to get a divorce. Do you think for a moment that once they get done splitting up money, kids, houses and cars…deciding who gets the dog, fighting over every last credit card charge, months and months of phone calls and threats, ending up with 200 bucks a month until the divorce is final because they have to pay for two houses instead of just one, paying on two vehicles even though only one of them is his, while probably still owing a couple of thousand on the ring that no longer means shit, that he is going to go running to the store to purchase another one because, oh yeah..that’s right, you guys are meant to be? Hell no.

In fact, that same man that you found irresistible a year earlier, will now be totally and completely single, but still totally and completely unavilable. A brand new commitment phobe. An asshole. Those words that came falling out of his mouth before, will now be swallowed down. Most likely with some Rum and Coke. And that picket fence he promised you will now be replaced with Base Barbed Wire because chances are his ass is living in the barracks due to the millions of dollars in child support he's shellin out. Why on earth would he want to put himself back in the saddle?

There will be exceptions to this rule of course. I have met people who divorced their significant other and lived happily ever after (divorce) with “the ‘other’ person.” But even those couples are usually one random incoming text away from a full blown phone records investigation. Especially if that text reads “If only I wasn’t married.”

And one more thing. When I get married again, all bets are off. Life will be great, marriage will be sacred, and my husband will never be another woman's boyfriend. And this blog will be deleted.