I mean, of course I wrote him back right? I couldn’t not write back. He had tried to make some valid points and I owed it to him to make some of my own. It also just so happens that I’ve been seeing a guy for the past five years who is pretty sure he’s his own main course, so I’m already currently being ‘pushed around the plate’ and can’t really take much more. So I sent him an email.
Me: Wow...! If I wasn't already busy being someone else's side dish, then you know … this might be right up my alley. Because as you mentioned...I have a love hate relationship with relationships.
But the truth is, you, I, us, none of that will be significant after the next two months so it’s all just unnecessary drama.
The photographer wrote back right away: I assure you I remain significant long after the fact :D
Me: ...these kinds of relationships...the kind that start with me knowing they will end...really torture and tear at my self esteem. Why would you want to take part in that? Spend the time you are spending to woo me, on making your wife feel special and maybe you won't have to watch as your marriage falls apart...
The photographer: I certainly don't want to be party to damaging your self-esteem, and you are, of course, right about the misdirection of my wooing skills.
Any chance you're free this evening? I figure I can be a bit more talkative now that you've bruised my ego and have put me in my place.
Me: Yeah...but just to crush your ego a bit more...I'm in love with like seven people already.
The photographer: Yeah, but with me it would be different. JUST LET ME ENJOY THE DELUSION!
Me: You need to learn a phrase. It's one I learned while ago.
"He's not different, you’re not special."
The photographer: Ok, now you’re just making me sad.
Truth is I didn’t want to make him feel unhappy. I just was tired of being the reason behind my own unhappiness. Like I told my friend K the other day, my life is a nightmare and it’s all my fault. It seems like everyone is just afraid to be alone…even for a few moments. I haven’t had time to feel alone here. I’m constantly surrounded by people, and friends back home are sending letters and emails and packages full of love. I don’t have anyone right now that I can call my own, but it doesn’t mean I’m alone. Maybe there is someone out there for me. Or maybe I’ll be the one continuing to grasp at straws.
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"I assure you I remain significant long after the fact."
ReplyDeleteThis just made it in time for my most douchey line of 2010. Just edging out, "Don't run from my understanding of you."
The sauce ... is weak!
That line was very tongue-in-cheek, I assure you. If you can't make them love you, you can at least try to make them laugh.
ReplyDeleteI really need to start selling T-shirts with that phrase, don't I. My girlfriend Allison is a goddamned genius.
ReplyDeleteAlso, really, particularly if he reads your blog, this guy is doubly bad news. Two words: FAME WHORE. He just wants to see himself be written about. If you would like a sonnet on how much that's fucked up my head/life, I will write you one in extra special iambic pentameter.
ReplyDeleteAnd since he appears to be commenting on these: GO FUCK UP SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE, DICK. I feel sorry for your wife and anybody else who comes into your untrustworthy, egotistical, arrogant path.
ReplyDeleteDC: Fame whore has nothing to do with it. I didn't even realize I knew The Chaser until after I had already taken a liking to her. As she said, she played a very small part in my life more than a year ago, but I wouldn't have connected those dots if she hadn't mentioned her blog.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for my wife, too, as well as for a number of other young women unfortunate enough have been run over by me. And this is where I must thank The Chaser for slapping some sense into me regarding the clear misdirection of my homesick / lovesick / sex-starved emotions. That was a very cool move on your part, and one I'm sure I'll appreciate much more in about ten weeks when I (hopefully) make it back home unscathed.
Also, DC, if your offer stands, I would love a sonnet. That would be awesome.
One last thing for now: I think it's worth noting that within the grand scheme of the terrible things I've done, my intentions with The Chaser were comparatively anodyne. I wasn't expecting to sneak around, fucking in random port-a-johns. More just, as she put it, bunker kisses and coffee.
ReplyDeleteThere's something gut-wrenching about being deployed (a full three of the last five years) that just kicks your ass. Believe it or not, it's not all about sex. If I need to release some sexual frustration, I can always masturbate. If I need to feel some kind of personal connection -- to have a good conversation, to look someone in the eye and smile, hopefully seeing them smile back at you, to share a laugh -- I can't do that by myself.
The Chaser has filled that void, and it's amazing how just a handful of short meetings have really helped clear my head and gain some perspective and just generally put me in a better place. She is awesome, there's no doubt ... "but not for me" as Ira so poignantly put it.
Dude, no one forced you to join the military. Just like no one forced you to get married. I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR YOU.
ReplyDeletecan i get a copy of those pics? :-)
ReplyDeleteG
I do have some empathy for your situation, @anonymous. If I were in your boat, maybe I'd feel the same way too. I can't assume to understand and thus will not place judgment without also having walked your road. It's nice that you appreciate what you did get.
ReplyDeleteIn some sense, I feel like we're here to learn and so maybe, though these heart lessons are painful, they still hold value.
(ps. value for both parties, I mean. And by "appreciate what you did get" I mean it sounds like there was an emotional investment too.
ReplyDeleteFrom a different anonymous poster:
ReplyDeleteI'm so fucking done ever reading this blog again...this is the dumbest goddamn thing I've seen this year.
This is for ANONYMOUS:
ReplyDeleteUnreal. I have been with my now husband for 12 years. We lived apart on different continents for a period of time (albeit on YEARS) but long enough to make it difficult. I had plenty of opportunity to sleep with other people. I am sure he did too. But we didn't do that - even though it was really, really lonely at times, even though there was one guy in particular who I was really, really attracted to - I kept things professional and platonic. Because that is what commitment is about.
Cheating, adultery, fling, side dish - whatever you call it - sucks, plain and simple.
So you and your SO are "distant" - gee, that happens when people live on different continents - it's challenging.
However, you are MARRIED and unless you have an agreement with your SO that you can sleep around, you are cheating - however you try to dress it up.
I feel bad for your wife. Like DateMe said above, no one forced you to marry. If you know yourself to be of the mindset that you need that personal connection - then don't make a commitment you can't keep. Seriously!
You can dress up a pig however you want, it's still a pig.
Yeah, Tiger Woods.
ReplyDeleteG
I smiled when I read your responses. Save yourself the drama. For what might be just pleasure today for him will be pain for you tomorrow. xoxo
ReplyDelete