The one who loves the least

“Why do women always look so beautiful when they realize they aren’t sure about you?”

So true! A friend of mine and I were discussing her most recent dilemma. She had met two men online. They are both gentlemen, both attentive and both secure in their jobs and in life. She is excited about both of them. The only problem is one of them REALLY likes her, is available to date her often and always, lives close, talks a bit futuristically and compliments her constantly. The other one is slightly more reserved, is getting ready to deploy and has plans of moving to Texas upon his return. Oh and he lives in North Carolina. So which one do you think she is leaning toward?

The out-of-state, soon to be out-of-touch guy of course. Because she’s not sure about whether or not he likes her likes her. She knows the other guy likes her likes her and is willing to try out a relationship with her…so, all of a sudden he is a little less appealing. That and the fact that she thinks he sounds gay.

Not that he is gay. He isn’t. He just sometimes sounds gay when he says things like,

“I saw Tangled this weekend with my mother and I gotta tell ya, it’s a keeper. Buy it. You can get a coupon online.”

Or

“I went shopping with my sister this weekend. She says I’m like her gay best friend. We got mani/pedis.”

But bottom line, the guy is not gay, not unattractive, but still not standing a chance obviously.

There have been others willing to throw in the single towel for her. But there is apparently ALWAYS something wrong with the men who think there is nothing wrong with her.

For example, the last guy she dated was solid. Attractive, stable, good job and most importantly funny. So when I asked her how her visit with him went she had this to say:

“I went to his house and he had to use the bathroom. An hour or so later I had to use it. I noticed a lot of hair on the toilet seat, and what looked like skin. I didn’t feel like studying it, so I wiped the seat, squatted and peed. A few hours later he used the bathroom again, and again I used it after him. And AGAIN, hair and some sort of skin. Dandruff maybe? I mean, is his ass that hairy? Is he shedding? Is it ass Dandruff, these are questions I’m not going to wait around for answers to.”

And I don’t blame her. But when  does it stop being what is wrong with them and start becoming what is wrong with our idea of what shouldn’t be wrong with them?

I want her to be happy, I do. And I know that she wants to be happy. And if going out with Mr. North Carolina is going to make her happy, then I’m all for it. My only fear is that he is going to make it clear that he is in no position to get into a relationship; he is going to tell her it’s not fair to her to have to wait for him during deployment. He is going to talk her into believing that they need to cherish each and every moment that they have now. And then upon realizing that pursuing the relationship would be a total loss and a complete waste of time, she summarily determines that he is the man she is destined to marry.  It’s a painful cycle. One that I got stuck in. Spin, spin, spin. It never ends.

I just don’t think that we are ever going to find that guy who is athletic and smart. All knowing and humble. Sexy and cute. Funny and serious. Perfect teeth, perfect hair. Witty. Sarcastic. Hint of asshole. In the right age bracket. Right zip code. Not married. Not gay. Not an ax-murderer. Who understands how to say you’re sexy, without making you feel cheap. And who likes you likes you, without making it seem like he likes you likes you too much.

So until she finds this illusive big foot, she is stuck between a Carolina and a Rainbow.  Just pretend that the one you want is the one you don’t want…then it’s in the bag.