So I’ve rented my condo, a new contract has been signed and I’m currently working through all of the loan paperwork. WE ARE BUYING A TOWN HOME. It is a house I fell in love with when I first arrived to Maryland back in 2004. Back then it belonged to my good friend. When she decided to sell, I convinced another friend of mine to buy it. He put about $30k in upgrades into it … and three years later put it back on the market. And now it’s off. And by the end of July, I’ll be living there.
And I won’t be alone.
My on, then off, then thank-god on, then fuck-you off, then I-guess-back on, then oh-hell-no off, then why-not on, then oh-yeah-that’s-why off, then I’m-still-alive-after-the-war on, then I-can’t-believe-you-still-won’t-marry-me off, is now, OH-MY-GOD-WE-ARE-BUYING-A-HOUSE-TOGETHER on.
We’ve been through a shit storm over the past six years. And also one real storm where his car flooded and was never the same and he ended up trading it in for his current vehicle, while still reminiscing and even occasionally wishing he had parked his vehicle somewhere else, somewhere higher, because it would be paid off by now and he would have exactly this much money in his savings account right now.
We’ve both hurt each other. Mine is usually unintentional, like the time he told me not to touch his arm because it was very sore, and for some reason I grabbed onto it the first opportunity I had and basically sent him to his knees in pain. Or the time he was talking to me about something … and I finally just looked and said, what makes you think I’m interested? (We never say these sort of things to each other. He listens about Zumba and I listen about Golf, and he listens about blogging, and I listen about video games and we NEVER tell the truth about how we feel about these things, and that day I really fucked him up with a shot of it…and that is not the kind of honesty either of us needs right now.)
The pain he causes me is usually equally unintentional. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not walking around with bruises around my eye, saying I accidentally ran into a door knob, and following that up with…it wasn’t the door knobs fault, I deserved it. No, the bruises I have suffered have been mostly on the inside. But when I was at my lowest…he didn’t abandon me. (He did ignore me for a few days…which is his nature…and during that time I did feel abandoned by him…but like he always does, he came around. And he never blocked my number from his phone, which I’m pretty sure is an option he has.) And by my lowest point, I mean that a woman had publicly (online) accused me of sleeping with her husband (in real life) and I finally knew how Angelina Jolie felt…seeing her face all over every magazine calling her a home wrecker...with a beautiful Jennifer Anniston in a side bar looking totally betrayed, but with great highlights.
OMG right? And that’s all I have to say about that.
So now we are going through our furniture and deciding what stays and what goes…and whose mattress we are going to use (I think we may HAVE to get a sleep number bed because we will never agree.) My furniture will go in the living room…the basement will basically be an exact replica of his place right now and also he mentioned something about not being allowed down there unless you have a penis…which seemed weird, but I’m looking into it.
We are using his bedroom furniture because it is nice and I bought mine from a girl who sold me everything she owned for 2K right before moving to Kenya.
I’m excited. It’s a big step and I’m ready. It’s all moving so fast…but in the big scheme of things (SIX YEARS!!!) how fast is it really?
Yesterday we were talking on the phone about furniture and this and that and closing costs and home inspections and money. Always a touchy subject. He said … I’ll go ahead and schedule that and pay for it. I said, I’m worried about closing costs. He said, “don’t worry about it, I have money.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking….”I’d have more if not for that damn storm in 2008.”
But he didn’t say it.
Instead he said, “and everything is going to work out and we are going to be happy there forever.”
And I said, “and be in love forever?”
And he said, “yes, you are going to be in love forever.” Then he chuckled and said. “Yes, in love forever.”
With not a hint of laughter in his voice.
And I didn’t even need to follow up the conversation with a text to reassure myself. Maybe this is what it feels like to finally believe.
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