Delusionalizer

(Original Post: April 16, 2006 - Sunday)

We left at 9 a.m. to see Dane. We arrived to Boston around 4 p.m. Traffic getting to the show was horrific, but worth it. My God. Dane was great. He looked great, and although I wasn't close enough to smell him, I can only imagine.
He told jokes. He told two straight hours of jokes. There was no opening act. There was no hold up. There was just some guy saying are you ready for Dane, and then fucking Dane on stage. Two sold out shows in one night. 18,000 people per show. I was 11th row up from the floor. I had such a great view. At one point he ran up into the stands almost close enough for me to touch. He's only a man, but I swear, he puts his pants on three legs at a time.
My friends Nick and Danielle came with, and we were all in stitches. Me and Nick could not stop jumping up and down in our seats. Every joke got funnier than the last. He said women were mental terrorists. How true that is. He twisted up his jokes and rearranged them and made everything fresh and gave things a new spin. He noticed my shirt. Seriously, and ever so slightly he stared at me. It was a bit uncomfortable for some, just how much attention he was paying to me. Call me delusional if you must. A delusionalizer if you will. But Dane was on my tip. You don't even know!
Delusionalizer. Nick and I made that word up this weekend.
The world is full of them. Do you think you're going to quit smoking this year? You are a delusionalizer. I was suppossed to get married before the end of the year remember? Delusionalist. That's me. My relationship with Dane is delusionalization.
I live in a delusionalization nation. And I love it. I'm not moving. Ever. Life here is good. And me and Dane have 18 kids. They are all named after transformers. And Dane is the Cobra Commander.
Tickets to Dane's aweseome event = $255
An "I am not a twat" T-shirt = $25.
Tolls/Gas/Food roundtrip from Maryland to Boston = $250.
Watching a life size screen focus in on Dane's crotch = priceless!
His girlfriend sang the National Anthem before the show. I hate her.