Tale of two shitties

Better that someone knows all of your personal secrets or are those better kept to yourself? Both shitty options. If they know all, they judge. If they don't know all, then they don't really understand you. So I was thinking about blogs and journals and diaries. A good friend of mine told me he was impressed with the way I could seemingly write heart-on-sleeve blogs. But he has no clue. These blogs are edited. They are re-read and read again. They are scanned through and often read aloud. A lot happens to these blogs before I hit the 'preview and post' button.
There was, however, a time in my life when I was painfully honest. I wrote in composition notebooks galore. I labeled each one with time frames, and each page had a date. Every detail of every day was crammed onto those pages. Sometimes I would use code words to describe things. You know, just in case I became famous and someone wanted to publish my dairy ... kinda like Virginia Wolf.
"They published your diaries, and that's how I got to know you."
The strange part about that quote is ... I don't think I would want people to get to know me by reading my diary. My ex husband once told me I should burn those books. Surely they would haunt me if someone broke into my house. I've gone back from time to time to see how much I've changed. Mostly to search for differences.
Typical Journal Entry:
August 12, 1996
Today was a good day. I went to the movies with Drew. Drew is such a great guy. I wish he wasn't so in love with Vance. She makes me sick. Drew deserves so much more than her. She loves to work out. So what! I tell jokes. Isn't a good personality better than a good body. Oh yeah, that's a lie ugly people tell themselves. I love Drew.
August 13, 1996
Stewart: A new guy. Totally cute. He's a Mormon. I used to be a Mormon. He's married. But that shouldn't matter right? He's Mormon afterall. I'm going to make him my friend. Drew and Vance went to the movies together. Barf.
August 14, 1996
Stewart is so funny. Scott told me he likes Mandy. Why does that make me jealous? I don't even like Scott. But now I do. I told him I liked him. He asked me why I waited until he was interested in someone else. Well duh? So me and Scott are dating. He's nice. A little hairy. His last name is New. Everyone calls him Newbacca. I think it's funny.
August 15, 1996
Today Scott found out he's going to be stationed in Japan. I told him we should break up. I'm not good with long distance relationships. Stewart and I went to the movies. Scott was upset that I didn't want to spend time with him today. I saw Drew and Vance holding hands outside. I guess they are together now. Maybe they should go lift weights together, since she's such a guy. Yuck, I hate them together.
August 16, 1996
Ben asked me out today. He's alright. I told him I would think about it. I need to stop hanging out with Stewart, I'm starting to like him too much. Scott doesn't talk to me much anymore. I guess Mandy is dating someone else and Scott is pissed that he wasted his time with me. Whatever. Drew and Vance are probably going to get married. I wonder if he'll take her last name.
August 17, 1996
I need to go on a diet. I ate four pieces of pizza today. I feel like a pig. Ben said I don't need to lose weight. My friend Shannon said that guys like fat chicks because they are less likely to cheat. But my friend Mark said that is not true, because his brother was dating this really fat girl and she ended up pregnant by someone else. So I'm confused I guess. Should I lose weight to get a guy or gain weight to keep a guy?
August. 18, 1996
I'm done with men! Ben was making out with Crystal today! I didn't see them, but Shannon told me. Did he think I wasn't going to find out? Crystal is such a hooker. I'm going to ask Scott if he wants to go to the movies tomorrow. Hopefully he will get me out of this slump.
August 19, 1996
I should not have asked Scott to the movies. He wanted to hold my hand. Man! Doesn't he realize I just needed a friend. I hate feeling pressured to be intimate. I held his hand. He tried to kiss me in the car. I told him I was getting a cold and it wasn't a good idea. He said he was sick already so it didn't matter. I still said no. He was pissed. When we got back Mandy was making out with Carlos. That didn't help the situation one bit. I'm done with men.
August 20, 1996
Chris checked in today. He is adorable. Tall. Short blond hair. Really quite. I am going to talk to him. I ate too much today. I'm gross. Ben apologized for making out with Crystal. I called him a fuck stick. He said he heard I was in love with Stewart. Whatever. Stewart is married. I told Ben I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Shannon told me Rick was asking about me. There is no way I would ever be with Rick. He scratches his balls all the time. It is so irritating. Like he doesn't even realize he's doing it. No way. I wonder if Chris has any bad habits. I kissed Drew today. I love him.

*Differences?