Currently Chasing: A blast from the past...

*Every now and then you will see a 'blast from the past' post. These are funny past blog posts I will share with you from time to time.

So if you know me, you know I can't say no. Or at least I have a hard time saying no. And I'm not talking sex here, I'm talking door-to-door salespeople.
It got so bad that my former roommate used to have to answer the door, because if I answered it, no doubt, I'd end up buying something.
Magazines, a Kirby Vacuum, candy, a dick in a box. What the fuck ever. I mean, I bought the kirby, tried to return it, and fucking bought it again. That is how hard it is for me to just say no.
Ironically, I've never done drugs. But come to think of it, no one has ever tried to sell them to me. Who knows what would happen if there was a door-to-door drug dealer.
Anyway, today...for the first time...I said no. A girl came to the door and asked me if I get the paper. I don't. I don't read it. I get my news online and on the TV. And really just online. I have no time to read the paper. Sad, but true. She says, what about just the Sunday paper. No I say.
"You would be helping me out," she said. "I am a single mother and just for signing you up today I'm going to get a check for a thousand dollars. Even if you just get a couple of issues and then cancel, I'll still get the money."
I said, "Wow, I'm a single mother as well, and that sounds like a great deal. How about I sign and I get a thousand dollars?"
She didn't look amused. I said, "Look, I'm trying to make ends meet also. And paying money for something I don't need is not something I am into doing right now."
She said, "look, you don't even have to keep the subscription, just call in a couple of weeks and cancel."
I said, "I'm going to just say no now. I don't want to have to remember to cancel a service I don't want."
She said, "It's only a dollar per paper."
I said, "I'd much rather just give you five bucks, and you can give a subscription to one of my neighbors, or get it yourself. If we are only talking about a dollar per issue, and you are saying I can cancel after a few weeks, that is only three dollars. Why don't you just pay three dollars for five of your friends, and then collect the thousand dollars?"
Needless to say, she finally left. And I stood my ground. And I'm proud to say I am not the new owner of a lifetime subscription to something else I don't need. Now if I could just stop paying 50 bucks for the gym I don't go to, 20 bucks for the second phone line I don't use, 20 bucks for the needy kids that I never get updated on, 10 dollars for the travel program I don't even know how to use, 19 dollars for the tanning salon I'll die using, 14 dollars for the tax monitoring I accidentally signed up for and therefore do not know how to cancel, 13 dollars for the scholastic books Dev never thanks me for, and 10 dollars for the netflix membership that I never order from, I'd have 157.00. Which would be just enough to pay for the new Iphone I absolutely didn’t need.