My super power? Having men in my past marry the very next girl they date after me! It is a power I could do without. It has happened numerous times in the past 10 years, and I’m about done with it.
Last night I got yet another invite to a wedding between an ex-boyfriend and the newest love of his life. It’s awesome, it’s romantic, it’s endearing, and it’s making me want to throw up my egg burrito.
The first time it happened, I was dating the guy for about a year. He was great. Very funny and loving. We got along very well and he was crazy about my daughter. But he got kicked out of the Marine Corps for some reason, and it all seemed shady so my friends assured me I should dump his behind. So I did. He ended up very successful, working in DC, still funny and loving, and oh yeah….married to the next girl he dated.
The next guy didn’t even have any shady circumstance surrounding him. We got along great and again, things seemed to be progressing nicely. We went on vacation but I really wasn’t feeling it. We broke up. Six months later he stopped by my office to show me the ring. The ring he had bought for someone else. The $10,000 ring that he made sure to add “could have been mine.”
The man I spent years and years chasing in San Diego has basically ended up in a committed, semi-monogamous relationship with the next girl he dated after me, and eventually they may graduate into marriage. However, for him, committed and semi-monogamous is maybe as close to marriage as he’ll get. So there you go.
The man I dated during initial training in the Navy?…married to the next girl he dated.
The man I spent months wooing years and years ago?…married to the next girl who wooed him.
The man I loved in Italy, married to the girl he met at home during his two weeks of leave.
The man I loved in Diego Garcia. Already married. But that’s beside the point.
If you want to get married, and you have a particular man in mind…send him my way. I’ll date him for a few months and send him right back, on bended knee with ring in hand. Complete with manners and amazing foot rubbing skills. Just call me Super Rejected.
Up, Up and away!
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ReplyDeleteShould we call you Tank Weatherspoon? It sounds very similar to Dane Cooks Character "Tank" in My Best Friends Girl. Or better still, "Charlie" in Good Luck Chuck.
ReplyDeleteBTW, don't be so hard on yourself. The relationship couldn't take the pressure, and it popped. It doesn't mean YOU'RE flawed. You helped them realize how nice it was to feel love at home, and when you parted ways they went on a search to find that again.... They probably never will.