Currently chasing: A husband

So I recently sent my best guy friend sprinting across the parking lot at the local Panera with my number in tow. I had convinced him to run out and give it to a guy I had made eye contact with moments earlier. How did I convince him you ask? I looked him right in the eyes and said, “That man is my future husband! Do not let him get away.” With that, he grabbed the number, which was written on the back of my Panera receipt with the disclaimer, ‘please do not use the information on the front of this receipt to steal my identity,’ and bolted out the door. He came back in a huff and I was satisfied that I would be getting a phone call. I didn’t. The last time I gave my number out, I was at the gym. Some guy was staring harder than a mall cop in the jewelry aisle. He wanted me. So I figured I’d make the first move. So I gave him my number. The next time I saw him at the gym he pointed to his crotch. Or at least that’s what I thought he was pointing to. Turns out he was pointing to the drawstring on his pants...And at the end of the string was his wedding ring. Dude, no one wants to see that shit, keep it in your pants…pocket! Don’t stare at me and expect me to hump you near the squat machine, but then try to give me the hint later by flashing your ring. Wear the fucking thing! Men are kings of mixed messages. I’ve recently been talking to this guy. Well, texting this guy. He finally tells me he wants to make things official between us. He’s tired of playing the field and he would be lucky to have a girl like me to call his own. Fine. Awesome. I’m all for it. So I write him and say, ok…game on. The next text he sends says, “Hey, my ex keeps calling…I have to fly to California this weekend and get the rest of my stuff. Let me take care of that before we get serious. I just need a bit of time.” What the hell is going on? Literally all of this text conversation took place in five minutes. There is a co-worker who consistently flirts with me. But then tells me he’s going home early to hang with his lady friend. I have a lady friend too…and I call her Mom. Mixed messages! Who uses the term lady friend? So the chase continues for someone slightly above average looking, who is smart and funny and not married…someone who is romantic yet sporty, but not wishy/washy. Someone who is emotionally available, but only to me. I guess that’s the point. I won’t ever catch this guy until he’s chasing me.