Currently Chasing: Mustard and World Peace

So last night I was in D.C. for the Miss DC pageant contest. It was taking place at the Lincoln Theater, which is neighbor to the famous Ben’s Chili Bowl (one of the places Obama has eaten and highly recommended.)

We find our seats and the pageant begins.

First, the swimsuit category: Hello folks, this is Mandy. Mandy only eats once a week and donates all the rest of her food to the homeless. (While she walks across stage in sheer perfection, I vow to never eat again.)

Next up, the Q and A portion:
Q. Can you please tell us why arts and music are important programs that should be kept in our schools?

A. Arts and Music should be kept in our schools because … um, creating is creative and important. And children creating it are very creative and important. And schools are important and creative. And our children need this important creativity for the future.

Q. How important is the Green movement to world preservation?

A. I think moving on Green is very important. If you move on Red, you may get hit by a car.

And my favorite question of the night. What do you tell people who say that D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people?

A. Um, I’m beautiful and everyone loves me.

Next up, the talent portion: This is Linda. Linda is doing an interpretive dance about peace and this nation’s need for it. It was choreographed by two deaf people affected by the recession. Her outfit is made from recycled materials.

All joking aside, I was surprised by the talent portion. Who knew that Opera was such a popular talent? Four of the contestants belted out their Susan Boyle-worthy songs and I was pretty impressed.

The winner was announced. It was the beautiful blonde. Shocker! Before her tears of joy hit the floor we were out of there. We headed next door to Ben's to break a vow and eat our emotions. Two minutes into our chilidogs of death, a former Miss D.C. walks in. My friend J knows her so they talk for a few minutes and I just sit there trying to act thin. Then she goes to the next table with her friends.

They are all drinking water and discussing world peace … while sharing a french fry.