Have you ever returned a phone call to someone who you know is going to drive you crazy, only to want to shoot yourself in the head two minutes into the conversation? And then it still lasts another hour and thirty three minutes?
And no matter how many times you say you gotta go, it just doesn't happen. Like, "Alright so it was nice talking to you .... "
"Yeah, it was nice talking to you as well, you know I had kidney stones last year, man it was crazy, I was in the hospital and then your uncle Mike told me that I could come stay there and the worst thing in the world is kidney stones but morphine is cool and that is what they gave me because I was in so much pain."
"I'm really sorry to hear that, but it's about 10:30 at night and I really have to get my kid into bed .... "
Yeah, how is she by the way? You know that rose bush I planted for her is sprouting up, I should send pictures of it. It is so beautiful. Does she still sing? What is she getting for Christmas? How old is she now? when was her birthday? I knew it was in October. I told your Dad it was in October. Did he remember your birthday this year? You know I remind him every year. If I didn't, he would forget.
"Yeah, my dad is so forgetful. Whew, look at the time, I miss you, I'm going to go ... "
"I miss you too. We don't talk enough. It seems like we just lose touch so easy. the last time I talked to you was a year ago this time. I know you were out to visit in May, but I didn't get a chance to see you. I was in the hospital. Man, what a crazy time that was. I think you knew I was in the hospital. I'm fine now, things are going well. Except I'm miserable. I really don't like my life and I'm just not happy. What about you? Did you get out of the military? I talked to your brother and he told me that you decided to get out. It's the right choice. Your dad is worried, but I told him you are making the right choice."
"Yeah, I talked to my brother about it. He agreed I was making the right choice. But I'm going to go now ..."
"Yeah, your brother is going through a tough time right now. His daughter was skipping a lot of school and then one day she skipped and he found out so he went home to catch her and found her in bed with someone. And it was a woman! I guess that's what happens when you raise your daughter to be a boy. We wanted to put her in dance class, but he wanted her to play baseball and soccer. And she doesn't believe in God. So what do you expect?"
"Yep...godless lesbians are all around us. But Damn bitch I gotta go!"
In the end, I guess I didn't have to go too bad, seeing as though I got off the phone and wrote this damn blog. But jeez....you know? Some people and their War and Peace Telephone calls. That's why I text.
And no matter how many times you say you gotta go, it just doesn't happen. Like, "Alright so it was nice talking to you .... "
"Yeah, it was nice talking to you as well, you know I had kidney stones last year, man it was crazy, I was in the hospital and then your uncle Mike told me that I could come stay there and the worst thing in the world is kidney stones but morphine is cool and that is what they gave me because I was in so much pain."
"I'm really sorry to hear that, but it's about 10:30 at night and I really have to get my kid into bed .... "
Yeah, how is she by the way? You know that rose bush I planted for her is sprouting up, I should send pictures of it. It is so beautiful. Does she still sing? What is she getting for Christmas? How old is she now? when was her birthday? I knew it was in October. I told your Dad it was in October. Did he remember your birthday this year? You know I remind him every year. If I didn't, he would forget.
"Yeah, my dad is so forgetful. Whew, look at the time, I miss you, I'm going to go ... "
"I miss you too. We don't talk enough. It seems like we just lose touch so easy. the last time I talked to you was a year ago this time. I know you were out to visit in May, but I didn't get a chance to see you. I was in the hospital. Man, what a crazy time that was. I think you knew I was in the hospital. I'm fine now, things are going well. Except I'm miserable. I really don't like my life and I'm just not happy. What about you? Did you get out of the military? I talked to your brother and he told me that you decided to get out. It's the right choice. Your dad is worried, but I told him you are making the right choice."
"Yeah, I talked to my brother about it. He agreed I was making the right choice. But I'm going to go now ..."
"Yeah, your brother is going through a tough time right now. His daughter was skipping a lot of school and then one day she skipped and he found out so he went home to catch her and found her in bed with someone. And it was a woman! I guess that's what happens when you raise your daughter to be a boy. We wanted to put her in dance class, but he wanted her to play baseball and soccer. And she doesn't believe in God. So what do you expect?"
"Yep...godless lesbians are all around us. But Damn bitch I gotta go!"
In the end, I guess I didn't have to go too bad, seeing as though I got off the phone and wrote this damn blog. But jeez....you know? Some people and their War and Peace Telephone calls. That's why I text.
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ALL I do is text. Someone leaves me a voicemail?? I reply with a text. That's how I roll.
ReplyDeleteIt's so unfair, this happens with me and my mom. Except at first i'm trying to get her off the phone, then I feel so guilty I find things to talk about with her until she's the one trying to get me off the line. Uncool.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Phone calls are like sex. You shouldn't have to fake them.
ReplyDelete