Currently Chasing: Skillz

So apparently I have been recruited to play on a kickball team. And by play, I mean, sit the bench and wear a T-shirt.

The rules are simple. There has to be four girls 'playing the field' in order for the team to be legal. So the boys have stocked the team with girls (for legal purposes only, of course) so that in the event that a few of the girls find themselves with other things to do (although what could be more important than a game that threatens every inch of your body) there will be enough girls 'sitting the bench' to allow the game to continue legally.

That seems to be a good role for me these days. A place holder of sorts. Not exactly on the team, but definitly a team player.

And what the hell. In the spirit of kickball, I've decided to start a few leagues of my own. Anyone interested in joining my Hop Scotch team...please let me know. Make sure you have a good place marker! A necklace always worked best for me. Also a Tether Ball league. The only pre requisite is that you watch Napoleon Dynamite before signing up. Last and least a Double Dutch team is in the works. Please have one old school cadence ready ... something like, Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell, Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to Hello Operator, please give me number nine, and if you disconnect me, I'll kick your rear behind the refrigerator there sat a piece of glass, Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her little ask me no more questions, and tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their flies are in the meadow..... and it goes on. If you can jump through an entire cadence you're pretty fucking awesome and you can be on my team...maybe. Unless I don't like you. I mean, get real, these are high school games, and high school rules apply. Don't be too fat, too thin, too nerdy, too hippy...basically don't be too much of anything.

I refuse to play Dodge Ball, not only due to middle school horror stories, but also to my 7-year-old daughter's fear of the game ever since she got hit in the penis.

No joke, she came home and told me she got hit in the penis. We had a talk of course. And now she just wishes the boys would tuck there stuff in because it's gross to just have it hanging out there everywhere, when ours is so hygenically stowed. Good point. Tuck that shit!

I actually did get involved in a paint ball game with some students at a field training exercise last week. I decided I didn't actually want to play (space holder if you will) but instead would just 'observe.' I basically acted as a journalist captured by insurgents. I was brightly dressed and not carrying a weapon. But you guessed it...one of those fuckers shot me in the shoulder! Do you realize how close the shoulder is to the fucking face? Too fucking close.

All good prep for my new role as kickball magnet I'm sure.