Currently Chasing: Taggers!

As most of you know, I am a Facebook user. That’s all fine and great because I can control the content of my page and make sure nothing ends up on there that I wouldn’t want anyone to see, right? Yeah the fuck right!

Recently I’ve been getting ‘tagged.’ For those of you who don’t know, (like if you just defrosted from a 40-year stay in a freeze chamber) when you get tagged in a photo, that photo becomes available for your list of friends to view. Here is the problem. My ‘friends’ don’t seem to care what I look like in these photos of me they tag. They only care that they look good. Sure, it’s a great photo of YOU. And so of course YOU want the whole damn world to see it. But did YOU happen to notice the fact that it looks like I am sporting some flop sweat and a thigh role?!

“Oh look honey, it’s a great photo of us at the BBQ, let’s post it. AND TAG EVERYONE IN IT.” Who cares that I am NOT supposed to be in the photo, but have wound up in the background shoving a plate of nachos down my throat! Go ahead and tag me anyway fucker!

I have a little more courtesy. I post tons of photos on my page. And of course, they are photos that I like of ME. If you look like a sack of ass, well guess what…I don’t really care. Because when people come to my page and look at my photos it is because they want to see good pictures of ME. They could give a shit less that you look like a damn dump truck. But here’s the deal. I’m not going to tag you just so that all your friends can see you picking panties out of your ass. NO. I’m a fucking friend! I keep that tacky shit to myself … ahem, and my 453 friends.

Can I get the same courtesy? Don’t tag that picture of me coming back from parasailing after having just thrown up the entire contents of my stomach onto my stomach. Don’t tag that picture of me from high school where I’m wearing a gosh damn light up Christmas sweater. Don’t tag those pictures of me from the Christmas Party where I didn’t realize just how ‘drunk’ I was. In fact, don’t even post those at all…I mean, let’s be honest. No one needs to see that shit. Just stop the fucking tagging!

And stop tagging me in quizzes about your life. I have 453 damn friends. Chances are, I don’t fucking know them! OR YOU. I don’t know what instrument you played in high school, I don’t know how many times you’ve been married, I don’t know what your favorite food is, I don’t even know how many kids you have now. But I do know that we once knew each other. BECAUSE YOU TAGGED ME IN A FUCK-UGLY PHOTO!

Don’t poke me or send me a beer or ask me to join a cause or send a zombie after me or ask me to be in your mafia bullshit, or ask me which fucking Simpsons character I am. Please don’t send me a plant or a fucking button or some other kind of fuck-stupid piece of flair.

P.S. If you haven’t already, add me as a friend! I’m personality plus…