Currently Chasing: Expectation

Someone hand me one of cupid's arrows pronto. I've got some expectation I need to shoot in the fucking face.

Expectation is behind most of the dissapointments in the world. Without it, we'd all feel a lot better about ourselves and each other.

And now for the back story.

Two years ago I met a guy. At the time I was in a bad miserable relationship, which I had decided to continue with because it still hadn't turned violent...so why not wait it out right?
Fast forward to about a month ago when this same guy contacts me again. We begin texting each other and decide to meet up at an ice cream store. When I see him I think...ok, he's pretty much like I remember. Not unattractive, but not sexually attractive. He spends the date telling me about ex girlfriends and what they did or didn't see in him. He says he'd like to go back and ask them all..."Was it me?" He also mentions a few of them whom he thinks he could have spent his life with had the situation been different. And I'm thinking...hmmm? Is this for real? I mean, I want to have conversations with him about what's going on in the world, but not about why he's 35 and has never been married and has no kids. So after the date, I'm thinking...no go.

Now, could that opinion change? Possibly. I mean, we've all been in those work situations where a guy we may never consider becomes the lovable goof that we decide we can't live without right? Or is that just me?

So on with the story. After that encounter he continues texting. But not just hi, how are you texts...but futuristic, opportunistic texts about our life together.
For example:

"I am lucky you even allow me the pleasure of being in your company."
"You are so beautiful. We would be so amazing together."
"You are everything I'm looking for in a woman."
"I may not be the most cut guy, or the richest guy, and I may not know my path in life, but I know what I want out of love and I know I could spend the next 40 years with you."

To which I would respond.

"Aw, that is the best compliment I've ever received."
"Thank you, I like that you think of us."
"Wow."
"You don't have to be the cutest guy ever, or the richest guy ever...but you do have to have a path in life before we can be together."
And then a wrap up text that went something like, "Please stop being so forward, you are going to push me away, and please stop talking about a future before we even have a present."

I was starting to see why men hate girls. I had sent some of these exact texts in my life. And all of a sudden I was realizing why they are scary and overwhelming. I mean, how can anyone be this sure about anything? He had only really had half a date with me. How was it that clear that he wanted to spend the next 40 years with me? And what about the rest of my life? I only get 40 from this guy? What if I'm still alive? He just leaves and I die alone?

Anyway, one of my friends says..."You are usually a terrible judge of character. The guys you are normally attracted to are never right for you. Maybe you should give this guy a try. If everything in your gut says he's not the one, and your gut is always wrong...then maybe this guy is exactly right."

So I say...OK! It's opposite day! I'm going to give this guy another shot. So we go to dinner. And guess what? It's great. We spend hours talking about movies, food and even some homeland security. We talk about our goals and a bit about our pasts. And it's not uncomfortable. We close the place down and he walks me to my car and I'm thinking...maybe. Then he kisses me, and I'm back to...no way in hell. I mean, I can hang out with him as a bestie forever, but again....I'm thinking to myself. I'm never gonna sleep with this guy.

But could that change? Sure. We've all been in that position where the guy we would never think about sleeping with becomes the guy we can't live without sleeping with right? Or is that just me?

So I decide to still text him. He writes me to tell me how great the date was.

"Thank you for such an amazing time."
"You are so beautiful."
"We are so perfect together, let's just run off and get married."
"You are so out of my league and I'm wondering what I even bring to the table."
"I can't wait to get another kiss."

To which I respond.

"You are welcome."
"You are too sweet."
"Marriage...wow."
"How about pasta...I love pasta."
"I have to be honest. I'm attracted to you, but I can't imagine you sexually. I don't think you and I are going to be sexually involved."

To which he responded...

"You are good for my ego." Sarcasm, I expect.

You'd think at that point it would be over. But it wasn't. He continued to text me how wonderful I was. How sweet. How lovely. And occassionaly sexual texts, which kinda make me cringe. But still I'm thinking...who knows. My opinion could change. And no one else has ever been this complimentary. And I EXPECT that maybe this could grow into something.

Big Mistake. So we set up another date. He writes me at 9:30 p.m. to ask if we are on for the next day. I say Yes Sir! He says, sweet...with his signature xo at the end, as well as some usual emoticon.
And the next time I hear from him is 9:30 the following morning with this text:

"I'm embarrassed, and maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. I got laid last night and I don't feel right seeing you today. I'm sorry."

And wow. First off. We are not together...so there's no reason to be honest with me. Second. what's wrong with saying, I met someone. Getting laid is such a high school term. And third, what if we had gotten married 14 texts ago? I would have just been cheated on.

All for nothing really. What did I really lose here? Not much. But I do have an answer for him as to why he's still 35 single, never been married with no kids. Because no one expects anything more of him. Not even him.

I ended up just calling a friend and asking if he'd like to go to lunch with me instead. He said yes and we had a great time. Just like I expected we would.