Currently Chasing: A Menu

I went to Baskin Robbins today. I was planning to go through the drive thru so I didn’t bother changing out of my PJs.

So I pull up and look at the menu. I don’t see any ice cream, only coffee items and breakfast sandwiches. The speaker lady talks…

“What can I get you?”

“Do you sell ice cream through the drive thru?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“How do I know what you have available?” I ask.

“You can come in and look.”

“That would defeat the purpose of the drive thru,” I said.

“Yes, but it saves us room on the menu.”

What the fuck are they saving room for? Why don’t they fill that room with, oh I don’t know, THE FUCKING ICE CREAM CHOICES AVAILABLE? I don’t go to Mcdonalds and guess at what they have inside. Hmmm. Do you have onion rings? How about meat loaf? Taco salad? No, I don’t have to guess. There is a fucking sign near the speaker that lets me know they have shit, shit salad, shit with cheese, and happy shit for kids.

So I ask if there is a Heath Bar Sunday of some sort.

“No.”

“Um, what about something with a snickers?”

“No.”

“Well, this is fun. How about a banana split.”

“We are out of bananas.”

“Is there something you’d recommend?” I ask.

“Coming in and looking at the 31 flavors,” she said.

“I look like dog shit and I’m in my pajamas,” I say.

“Well there are too many options for me to give over the intercom.”

“What is your favorite thing?”

“Coffee Ice cream with caramel.”

“I hate Coffee,” I say.

“What would you like then?”

“Just give me a donut.”

“What kind?”

Of course those flavors aren’t listed either, but I know that I like sprinkle donuts so I just ask for two of those. When I get up to the window to pay I realize I’ve forgotten my money. I don’t even bother explaining. I just leave. When I get home I assess what snacks I have in the house. Turns out there are even less options than Baskin Robbins. But at least I can be in my Pjs to choose.