Currently Chasing: A Ranking Board

I hear my coworker talking today about a smoking hot girl. Now of course I want to know who he’s talking about, and if she’s in this building, and is she cuter than me and you know, just all of the normal bullshit that comes along with being a seemingly secure, but truly insecure female.

He tells me that he’s talking about a beautiful blond college student that is coming to a party with him this weekend. Immediately the jokes start:

“Does she know you’re broke?”

“Yes, she knows,” he said.

“Does she know you do tricks to pay your rent?”

“Yep, she’s aware,” he said.

“Do you think maybe you’re just a project for her?”

“Wow, I’ve never been called a project before,” he said.

“What college does she go to? Is it legit? Is she just playing you before she cuts out your organs and sells them on the internet?”

“I looked up the college, it’s legit.”

“Maybe she just saw ‘she’s out of my league,’ and thought it was an endearing movie and has decided to cast herself in the sequel,” I said.

“That is probably exactly it,” he responded back.

This is seconds before he rips ‘the fart heard round the office’ and follows it up with the phrase, ‘that’s rank.’

So now I’m curious.

Hey J, I’m gonna blog about this. Tell me how you met her, I yell out.

She emailed me on Myspace, he said. Which is odd he adds, because I’m hardly ever on there anymore. (which leads me to wonder why the hell this smoking hot girl is on there either.)

“And she’s hot?” I add.

“Yes, very hot,” he says.

“And blond?” I add.

“Yep, blond ,” he said.

“And you’ve seen her in person?” I ask.

“Nope, not yet, just photos,” he responds…wishing immediately that he could take that back and pissed that he gave me the ammo.

I hope she ranks higher than J’s fart. I hope for her sake, she wears a gas mask. And I hope for J’s sake, that’s the only mask she’ll need.