Currently Chasing: Linda Chavez

Who is Linda Chavez? Wouldn’t you like to know? Chances are if you’ve heard of her, you’re in some deep shit. She is a social media butterfly. She spends a lot of time on her computer. She is a master at pulling information from people. She is also a fictional character made up by my friend J, and used to bust cheating lovers.

I thought I was good at coming up with master plans to get my guys to confess their lies. But Linda Chavez is just as good…maybe better.

J came up with this idea after she had an inkling that her man was cheating. He had deployed to Iraq and they were in constant contact. He was always complaining about how sad and lonely he was, so she set up this incredible date pending his return. But a funny thing happened when he did return. He all of a sudden DIDN’T return her calls. In fact, what J did get was an ear full from some broad asking why J was calling HER man.

When J finally got a hold of this douche bag she confronted him. He told her it was some chick named Sapphire and that she was … crazy. Only, he hadn’t even seen crazy yet.

J went into full on detective mode. She knew this chick was in the military and that her first name was sapphire. She started typing random things into Google. Somehow she found what she thought was this woman’s ex husband. So she developed an email account under the name Linda Chavez and she went to work.

She emailed the ex husband claiming to be a close friend. A few days later Sapphire sent her an email asking who she was and why she was trying to reach her. ‘Linda’ right away gave her the business.

“What’s going on with you and my boyfriend,” Linda wrote.

“Your boyfriend!?” Sapphire shot back. We’ve been together for a year!

Turns out they were dating each other during his deployment and even had plans to get married. Lucky girl right?

“I don’t believe you,” Linda wrote.

“Here’s a picture of us together. Do you believe me now? Besides, maybe I don’t believe you! Send me a picture,” Sapphire insisted.

So Linda sent her a picture of said dudes COCK. Yep. Sapphire had definitely seen that cock before. In fact, she had the same photo. And both girls finally believed they were getting played.

So when Sapphire confronted her man with this Linda Chavez character, he was completely honest when he said he didn’t know her, which only made him look like more of a douche.

“She sent me a fucking photo of your cock asshole!”

“I swear I don’t know how she got that. I don’t even know a Linda fucking Chavez,” he pleaded.
And for once, he wasn’t lying. But by then, it didn’t matter.

“It’s over,” Sapphire screamed.

After the breakup he rushed home to J. She was happy to have her man back, although I use the term man loosely.

Later, the same guy decides to get a MySpace account. J sees that he has one, but he continues to deny that it exists. She also sees that some random girl keeps posting to it about how much fun she had with him. So Linda Chavez jumps back into action.

Linda opens up a MySpace account and contacts this girl.

“How do you know my boyfriend?”

“What…you’re boyfriend? Oh no, he told me he was single. I’m a dumb bitch…bla, bla, bla.”

This idiot even tells “Linda” that they had sex and he came all over her back. I’m still waiting for the ‘why was that necessary’ fairy to jump out of the closet and beat this chick to death with a dick.

Eventually J does the right thing and breaks up with this guy. She was young and dumb, but had finally had enough. She begins dating another man. She hears through the grape vine that he may not be all he’s cracked up to be. Back on Google she goes. And out comes Linda Chavez.

The moral of this story is simple. Stop sending out random photos of your cock to be used as evidence against you.