Currently Chasing: Control

So…it has been said by several different people in several different places that when women get together they all begin to “link up” with each other. Their bodies begin talking and they are like, hey you wanna bleed today? I don’t know, what about tomorrow? Yeah, tomorrow’s cool. Heather, is tomorrow good for you? Let me just check with Susan … Yep, all good. Let’s Bleed. It’s going to be a blastie blast.

But it’s not a blastie blast. It’s a nighty fucking nightmare.

I’m currently away from home and will be away from home for quite a few months. My plan is to remain single, remain celibate (those two work quite nicely together) and then my third thing … remain sane. Single, celibate, sane. Simple.

Well let me tell you what’s going to drive me insane before I even take the plane ride to the land of camel spiders … three periods in a month, that’s what.

I decided before I left home that I was going to get a year’s worth of birth control pills. It just made sense. Even though you really can’t call what I do being ‘on’ birth control. I would take a pill Monday, forget to take one Tuesday through Thursday, Take two Friday and Two Saturday and then drop Sunday’s pill down the drain on accident.

However, after getting here my feelings changed. I didn’t want to bother with the pill and there was no reason I needed to. It was just one more thing I had to remember to do every day, and trust me, I already had too much shit to remember. I already had to remember that on PT days I needed to wear Blue shorts with a brown command T-shirt, a white reflective belt (not the yellow one I spent 12 dollars on, but the white one that was issued to me for free after I spent the money on the other one) my camel back at least half full of water, my arm band ID holder and my ID, all while remembering that I have to be to PT at 6, which actually means 5:45, so I have to catch the bus at 5:25, which actually means 5:20 … and don’t forget my camera because there may be a surprise award ceremony immediately following PT even though no one knows and the person receiving the award is at medical. So yeah, Pill who?

So when my period came out of the blue one fine Wednesday morning, I thought to myself…ok, not the most convenient thing in the world, but doable. It’s fine. This seems to be around the time I should be getting it, so I’ll just go with it. It should only be hanging around for two days, three days tops. I bled for seven days. Eventually it stopped. And I thought, ok, well that was pleasant, but at least it’s over.

Until two weeks later when a girl in my office informed me that it was ‘about that time’ for her. That night my body informed me that it was ‘about that time’ for me as well. YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

So there we went again. Not to mention that the whole time I’m taking this ‘time’ for myself, I’m also shoving every sugary snack I can find down my throat and straight into my bloated belly. So that’s awesome.

After a few days it ended, but not without me deciding to take some corrective action. I decided to put myself back on the pill. With all the lack of scheduling and control in my life at this moment in time, It would be nice to have control over something, even if that something is as simple as my bodies decision to drop unfertilized eggs. So that next unbloody Sunday I decided to start taking my pills again.

There are pills that do a lot of things. Pills that help fight HIV. Pills that cure Polio. Even pills that help with the fight against cancer. But those aren’t THE PILL. The reason it’s THE PILL is because men feel like if you take it they can fuck you without a condom.

HELL YEAH, NOW THAT’S A PILL!

So it’s been two weeks and needless to say, I need to take three pills tomorrow and two Saturday. It’s good to be back in control.