Currently Chasing: The Like Button

I’m just going to say it. I used to be fat. 260 pounds at my heaviest. I was round, I was soft, but let’s face it, I was still cute. And lately I’ve been obsessing over my weight, and I need to stop, because right now, even at 163, I’m nowhere near 260, and I’m not even on the doorstep of 190, which is where I was in the picture my friend recently tagged me on. She knows who she is. And she is reading this right now. Hey B…Love ya girl.

Now you all know how I feel about people tagging me in photos. If I’m a whale, then feel free to parade me around in front of your friends, but for the love of all that is holy, don’t parade me in front of mine. Many of my friends are shallow and judgmental. 

So here is what happened.

I log on to facebook one morning. Easy enough. I see a message. B.G. has tagged a new photo of you. Hmmm, ok, that sounds dangerous, let’s have a looksie. HOLY FUCKING BATSHIT. You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s a picture of me…only you can’t really even see me past my FUCKING THIGH. And that is probably a good thing, because my hair was a nightmare. I see there is one comment on the photo. I read it. It is from my best friend. The comment reads:

“She is going to be pissed.”

I comment below it.

“Yes, she is.”

There is also another photo tagged of all of us from highschool. I’m a whale in that photo as well but at least it’s a group shot. There was like five of us including my second chin. The sad thing is, I walk around here all day not eating, and then eating too much. Not working out and then working out too much. And the real truth is, I’ve come a long way. And I need to just look in the mirror and be proud of what I see.

So the other day I leave the base I’m at to visit another base. A smaller base. A dustier, dirtier, less crowded base. And I wake up in the morning to brush my teeth and the girl says, you have to walk all the way over by where we eat chow..there are shower stalls over there and sinks. I’m like, way the fuck over there? And she says yes, and the first thing I think of is, well, the walking will help me lose weight. I mean, jeezus, does it always have to go back to the weight thing? What I should have been worried about was what I was going to do when my fucking toothbrush fell in the fucking dirt. Fat or skinny, that shit sucks.

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m going to take a huge weight off myself by stopping all this worrying about my weight.  If I just concentrate on my health, and I just eat to fuel my body, and I workout because it makes me feel better about myself, well then, I’m on the right track.

And if you are thinking about rushing over to facebook to see the picture I’m talking about, well, B went ahead and deleted it. She knows I’m out here carrying a weapon, she didn’t want me to have to use it…to shoot my fucking laptop screen.  But I’d like her to send me a copy of it to my email. I plan on printing it off and taping it to all the snack food in my office, and maybe tape it to the wall behind me, right next to the wanted poster with the picture of my missing self esteem.

 Maybe B should post the picture again, and this time, instead of  a negative comment, I'll just press the like button. I should be proud of where i came from right? Just kidding B, you keep that shit on lock, you hear me?