Currently Chasing: Life Support for a Dead Horse

I know people do not feel sorry for me when I tell stories about the food in Afghanistan, but just in case there is one empathetic ear out there, here it goes ... The other day we decided to go to TGI Fridays. TGI FRIDAYS - In Afghanistan? Trust me, I thought the same thing. But to be honest with you, offering these places that appeal to the eye, but make you sick to your stomach is just another form of torture. 

So we head out to the restaurant. It's located on the boardwalk in good ol' Afghanistan. There wasn't a wait like there usually is in the states. We walked right in and got a seat. I know the weapons in this photo look odd, but trust me...they are the only things that actually belong here. 

 I opened up the menu and was overwhelmed by the options. It was just like back in states and I had forgotten what it felt like to make a decision of that caliber. I couldn't decide. I kept going back and forth between the chicken strips and the pasta. Turns out I was worried for nothing. Neither one was available. And no hamburgers.  So I ordered a Strawberry shake but they only had chocolate shakes. FINE! Just bring me a menu with what you fucking have available next time. You can probably just write it on one of the KFC napkins. (Earlier in the week I had visited KFC and they were out of napkins. Now I see why.)

So I'm staring at the menu trying to find something else to order. I notice that the menu states that the theme of TGI Fridays was inspired by Banum and Bailey's Circus. Um, that would be Barnum. ... Maybe they
were thinking, ah shit - we fucked up on the menus - fuck it, send em to Afghanistan.

So I end up ordering the Ceaser Salad and calling it a day. My friend got the Salad as well, another friend got the Ribs and I forget what B got...but it was something equally awful I'm sure.  Our salads came out pretty fast. And no wonder...it doesn't take long to lather lettuce in mayonnaise and call it Ceaser. I'm not playing. It was soaked. It didn't just have a hint of mayonnaise; it was like someone dipped each leaf in a vat of that shit. Needlesstosay, I sucked down my chocolate shake and called it a meal.  We ended up waiting another 45 minutes before they brought out the Ribs.

My question is who did they take these ribs from? A Horse? As you can see, they were bigger than the person who ordered them.  They were the only thing at the table that was edible, so she shared with us all.
Thank you poor dead horse.  I wonder if this is the one I'm always beating.