I'm dating someone. But not really. I only actually find out we are dating when I've done something to piss him off and he tells me we are done dating. Or he will tell me he's my boyfriend...but only after he has decided to break up with me. Example:
Hey, why are you talking to that other guy?
Um, because we are friends.
Well, tell him you have a boyfriend.
Um, are you my boyfriend?
Well I was until you started talking to that guy. Now I'm not.
Of course you're not. And why did I think I would even have the right to be privy to that information?
We fight. He says rude things. He says no things. He says things that don't relate to the other things. And then he'll decide to throw in an I love you just to really fuck me up. But again, he will only say I love you as he is writing me out of his life. Example:
Me: So, how do you feel about me?
Him: You know when you put me on the spot to answer that question you never get the answer you want.
Me: So you are going to say you don't like me, even if you really love me, because you feel like there is a spot you're on and now you are under obligation to be an asshole?
Him: You already know I love you, but you've left me no choice but to end this. Please delete me from your phone and your life.
Me: So you're saying you love me?
Him: Yes. I love you. Goodbye forever.
It makes my head hurt and I'm wondering why I'm keeping myself awake giving a shit? If he is having a bad day I will get a text or email a mile long telling me all of the horrible things that happened...in excruciating detail. If I try to comment or give advice, it's not welcome ... and if I say nothing at all, then he'll ask if I want him to just shut up because obviously I'm not listening.
If I ask him to look at something I've done, he will immidiately begin to critique it and tell me how I can do it better...or what he would have done, or what I should work on doing next time. Example:
Hey did you get that newsletter I sent to you? It looks pretty good right?
Yeah, I got it. Your story on page 13 was hard to understand. Your conclusion was trite. Did you mean to make the cover so hard to read? The pictures could have been more organized. Were you in a hurry?
So, you didn't like it?
I liked it just fine as a rushed through version of what I know you're capable of. Send me the next one so I can be sure you're improving.
Yep, I'll do that and then I'll burn out my eye with a cigerette.
So the burning question of course is...why am I keeping myself awake wondering why I give a shit. Well, it's an easy answer. I'm a moth to a flame...only it's not just a flame, it's a gosh damn full on California wildfire.
*Note...being in Afghanistan, with the network the way it is, I am unable to comment on my own blog. But I'm reading all of the comments and maybe it's best that I can't say shit. But to Caramel, who commented below...yes. nail on head.
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So you are attracted to emotionally unavailable, controlling, jerks?
ReplyDeleteIt's always so hard to be on the reading end of this. Because it's easy to sit here and think and say, "well just stop giving a shit!" It's never that easy though, huh? I think we've all had moth moments, even if we didn't immediately recognize what we were headed straight for was an asshole.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you figure out a way to stop caring. In the meanwhile, can someone kick him in the balls maybe? Especially with the "I love you" thing. Growl.
Lorraine
Bella Swan, I will love you every minute of forever.
ReplyDeleteEdward
G
Hmm... I say write a post telling us WHY you should give a shit as opposed to why DO I? Does that even make sense? I mean, focus a post on telling us what makes you want him...
ReplyDeleteIt will probably give you clarity either way.
:)
Do it!
I just found out what celebrity you remind me of....Chelsae Handley...the E late show host...she's a hottie like you...mmmmmm
ReplyDeleteAs your good and dear friend, it is my moral obligation to again tell you he is a fuckbat! I worked hard to concoct this particular word (It's like dingbat only with "fuck" in it), its previous incarnation was ratfuck. At any rate, the answer, in my opinion, is that these guys don't know who the hell they are dealing with; which is a woman who is wittier, smarter, more perceptive that even their inflated self perception would have them believe they are. You know it deep down; sometimes you forget. But i like it when you remember that you rule and that they are literally a dime a dozen. Doesn't make it easier, but I say they are fuckbats! Please pass along to them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Roxanne and Lorraine. We can't always help who we're attracted to. But, saying "I love you" and "goodbye" in the same sentence had been rolling my eyes at my laptop. Ugh! I like Lady-Like's idea to write a post about why you do give a shit. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHmm, we're both in Maryland, I have to wonder if we were dating the same guy at some point...!
ReplyDelete