Currently Chasing: Someone ready to step up to the plate

This must be the time of year when all of my mistakes come back out to play another round of, “can we come in.” I mean, don’t get me wrong, I get it. It’s cold outside…and I’m not heartless. So come on in all of you bad decisions, let’s have hot chocolate and talk about the good times when you broke my heart and left me to bleed out. It’s going to be a blast.

So my ex who broke up with me over an email after asking me to marry him the day before decided to send me an email. It has an MP3 attachment. It was a song by Eminem. It was on someone else’s album, so he didn’t think I would hear it unless he sent it. He was right.

So I listened, and as I did, I got more and more pissed.

The song is essentially about Em falling for some girl who just changed her mind and dumped him.

So I sent him an email:

Me: So this is like my song to you?

Soldier boy: I don’t know. But it kind of sounds that way huh? If you were the guy.

I reminded him of the first half of the song Space bound Rocketship, also by Eminem, that he had dedicated to me early in our relationship. It was basically just a song about how in love he was with this girl and he prayed that she wouldn’t rip his heart out once he handed it over.

I made sure to let him know that only the second half of the song applies now.

Lyrics: so after a year and six months, it’s no longer me that you want, but I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once.

He responded:

Soldier boy: Yeah, every time I listen to that album I think of you. Just like when I heard this one yesterday you came to mind. Stay beautiful, beautiful. Cupid must’ve put a curse on me!

I responded and told him that I did adore him but that I’m moving on.

He wrote back saying that he hopes it all works out because I DESERVE IT.

OH MY GOD! There we go again with that damn phrase!

So I wrote back.

Me: Maybe the next guy I date will ask me to marry him, and then change his mind! Ha! Kidding…who would do that?  Don’t worry, I’m just giving you a hard time because YOU DESERVE IT.

Soldier boy: WOW!! I’m going to the bridge now ….bye.

So that’s when he decides to give me dating advice.

Soldier Boy: If you stop catching feelings for guys like me it will leave openings for good guys to show you some attention. Also if you weren’t involved with guys that you know aren’t the ones, wouldn’t you pay a little more attention to the ones that are?

He goes on to say that basically I should avoid all persons with a penis. No matter how good he is or not. He tells me that Mr. Right is out there and I know it and he knows it and my friends know it and WTF EVER!

Then he makes a Forest Gump reference about a feather falling in your lap and let fate decide. He ends it with Love ya, PEACE and Love, Peace and Love!

I say something like, thanks for nothing.

Then he writes back and says that he wishes me the best of luck and that he is sorry that he came into my life, left and then returned trying to be a friend. Then he signed off with  - stay safe.

So I wrote back.

Me: Yeah, it’s confusing – you are like a scab that I keep peeling. And so, it’s better that we aren’t friends. No need to respond. Thank you for the song and the advice. Goodbye.

Of course he writes back.

Soldier boy: Have to respond to that one. Sorry. So you can talk to virtually everyone who fucked you over in the past but not me? Really!? Whatever. No need to respond, nice to know ya, goodbye.

And I should have left it at that. But he doesn’t get the satisfaction of having the last word here.

Me: You know what, you’re right. But usually it is after more time goes by. And they aren’t giving me relationship advice. You were the same as me. You spoke my language, you complimented me. You said everything I wanted to hear and I finally thought, this is it. You changed my idea about love. I started to believe in fate. And then you did what you did and it was cold hard truth. Love didn’t exist. It wasn’t fate. You weren’t in love and what I was feeling was for nothing. Do you know what it’s like to believe in something and watch it die? I don’t know why you think it was easy for me. And now you get to write and say you are happy and that maybe I’ll get there…just don’t date any man at all, and then you end it with a ‘good luck kiddo.’ Then you tell some jokes and hahahahaha wasn’t all that shit we talked funny and pointless . It wasn’t funny to me. It was my FUTURE, and you were part of it right before you toyed with it. You crushed me and I believed in you.

He didn’t write back. I don’t know if he even read it and I don’t care.

Yesterday I got an email from a guy who has been admiring me. Turns out he and his girlfriend back home are in an open relationship so it’s cool with her if he gets a girlfriend here. Do I have a sign on my head that makes people think that I’m ok with always being a side dish? I’m a main course…just waiting for someone to step up to the plate.