Currently Chasing: A Movie Ticket

Alcohol is a pain in the ass. In Afghanistan we weren’t allowed to have ANY. So you can imagine now that I’m a light weight when it comes to drinking. Not that I could ever drink anyone under the table, but I used to be able to hold my own.

Except that time I went to Atlantic City and ended up incoherent and being shuttled around the hotel in a wheel chair. I ended up in the security section of the hotel until they were sure I could at least pronounce my name and could determine that I wasn’t going to die from choking on my own vomit.

But other than that dreadful night, and the time I vomited for 23 minutes straight outside of the taco bell parking lot, I’ve done alright.

And then there was last night. I went out with a close friend and his buddy. We are sitting around and I decide to order a drink. I take it down like I would take down a five year old in an arm wrestling competition. Quickly and without hesitation. I order another and I’m feeling good. Too good. One of two things happens when I get to my drinking happy place.

1.       I make out with someone. (Most likely someone I know, but that’s not always a guarantee.)

2.       I talk too much and say stupid shit that will haunt me later.

Last night, it was the latter. I start talking about something mildly inappropriate, and then it escalates into something I probably shouldn’t talk about, and then rounds out in the ‘definitely do not fucking say this’ area.

By the time I realized what had happened, the damage was done. I was no longer the cute, funny girl that had sat down thirty minutes earlier. I was now the drunk girl who stumbled up to the cliff and then swan dove right the fuck off. Great. That’s me right? I’m the asshole? Yep. I was the asshole.

So my friend is pissed and I’m trying to smooth things over, but at that point I’m still not totally convinced I’ve done anything wrong. I’m just doing that thing where you apologize blindly and hope that whatever you did to get yourself in trouble solves itself at some point during your ramblings. But not this time. He asked me if I was finished eating. I said yes. Then he got up with his friend and they left.

There was one problem with leaving at that point. I was still, um, not quite under the legal alcohol limit to drive. So I wandered around the mall in JLo Heels that I had no business being in … and made my way toward the moving theater.

I bought a ticket for ‘Take me home,’ which seemed very appropriate, and proceeded to watch a movie by myself to sober up and ‘think about what I did.’

On the downside, I’ll probably be watching even more movies alone in the future due to the fact that I become a plague after one drink.

The upside is, I can finally catch that Justin Beiber flick that no one will go with me to watch! Nothing says winner like a drunk 30 something sitting alone in a Justin Beiber 3D movie. Another upside is, with a little alcohol in me, I may finally understand his hair.