Currently Chasing: Only the Perfect

My childhood was very interesting. When I used to think back on it, all I could remember is the negative. I remembered not being able to see my dad very often. I remembered my mother sleeping a lot of days away and not taking a big interest in my life. I remembered her forgetting to pick me up one day after school, and how while I was waiting some guy came up in a vehicle asking for directions. I was trying to help him, and then all of a sudden I realized he was "pleasing himself." It was horrifying...and when he realized that I realized, he started laughing and drove away. I blamed my mom for this naturally. Had she picked me up on time...well, I wouldn't have been exposed to that. 

I remembered the time she smacked me across my face and sent me to my room. I remembered wanting to go live with my dad. I remembered the horrible cockroaches in our house and how I was afraid to eat anything that wasn't in a can. Just all of this stuff that made me think that I was just so neglected. 

Now, I can say that not all of this "horrible childhood" stuff was in my head. There were some truly awful things...but now that I have a daughter of my own...I am finally remembering all of the things my mother did right.

My daughter was in band last year. She played the flute. One day she said, mom, did you ever play an instrument. And so I thought about it. Yes, I did play an instrument. The accordion. My mother took me to lessons, I learned how to play, and I got a trophy from the experience. 

My daughter loves to sing. She wants lessons. One day she said, mom, did you ever take singing lessons. And so I thought about it. Yes, I did take singing lessons. My mother took me to lessons despite them being $50 an hour. 

My daughter wants to be a cheerleader. One day she said, mom, were you ever a cheerleader? Without even thinking about it I said Yes. My mother paid a grand between my junior and senior year to allow to me to buy all of the uniforms necessary to be a cheerleader. 

In order to be a good cheerleader, my daughter needs to take gymnastics. She said, did you take gymnastics. Yes, I did. My mother and father both put me in gymnastics. I also took Jazz classes. 

In addition to that I learned the baton and the tall flag. Also my mother taught me how to be a polynesian dancer and did weekly Luaus from the age of 19 months until 16 years old. 

The other day while visiting California I drove past Drive Time. Drive time is a driving school my mother sent to me in order to make sure I was ready to start driving. Also I remember that each time she picked me and my friend up from school she would take us TK's, a drive through place where we would always get peanut butter shakes and nachos! 

When I was supposed to sell boxes of M&Ms for a fundraiser and ended up eating them all instead...it was my mom who paid for them. All of them. And all the long distance phone calls. And all the running here there and everywhere. 

I also remember the hours and hours she would stay up at night, on her hands and knees, scrubbing every inch of the house to get rid of the bugs. She tried. Always. And it is sad that back then I didn't recognize just how much she did for me.

She can't claim the title of raising an olympian...but I am a great person, with a great heart. I love my daughter and I love myself. I'm not perfect, and neither was my mom. But instead of remembering all of things that were wrong...I'm going to focus on all of the things she did right. And I can only hope that one day that is all my daughter will choose to remember about me as well.