Currently Chasing: Somebody That I Used To Know

A friend of mine over at www.diaryofwhy.com wrote recently about different levels of heartbreak and people who you think mean something to…and over time, the reality that … well, you meant less than you thought.

So many people in my life fall into this category. So many people that I try to hold onto. So many friends that I try with all my might to keep in my pocket. Even if it means  giving more of myself than I can or would even want to if I could.

I recently went home for vacation. I say vacation even though it was anything but. Rushing around constantly to visit every person I’ve ever known, doesn’t a vacation make. But it’s in my nature to run myself ragged trying to make everyone happy. My childhood friendships mean as much to me as my adulthood friendships – and I’ll tell you why.

Recently my daughter started middle school. I hope she makes lasting friendships like the ones I’ve made. The reason being … those friends knew you before the makeup. Before the fakeness. Before the trying to be perfect. The friends you make after that … the ones you make as an adult are just as important. However, as little bits of the real you leak out, it’s your adult friends that you hope stick around. And as your childhood friends see glimpses of the “new” person you become…you hope they stick around. Because you need them all.

My first true love is a friend on my facebook. He loved the FAT me. He loved the totally awkward me that wore sweat pants almost every day to school. He wrote me my first love letters. He bought me a pearl necklace, (since then, the only pearl necklaces I’ve been offered, were far less valuable. Believe me.) Our only dates were school field trips. We held hands, but we never kissed. Never. But I am convinced we were in love. The true kind that lasts for years and years without a hint of oral sex on the horizon.

When did things become so difficult? There are friends in my life that I don’t see for years and years. Thank God for facebook so every now and then I can “like” something they do. But face talk…well that is something we don’t do. Something we can’t do. And we are fine with that. And it doesn’t change our friendship…because our friendship will always be that awkward 6^th grade dance era. Our friendship will always be Wilson Phillips, Hold on For One More Day and whatever other beautifully awful song we listened to back then. No amount of adult contact will change “that” friendship.  The problem is we sometimes let who we are as adults, interfere with those perfect friendships. And that’s when they get screwed up.

Our adult friends seem harder to maintain…because those take the same amount of time to cultivate…only now we’ve got jobs, kids, bills, and spouses to work around. Those friendships don’t get the same time that we had when we were young. Sleepovers, classes together, all of that stuff that led to late night secret sharing. We lose those opportunities as adults. And it’s a shame.

So remind your girls and boys, as they start school this year, not to wish for the end so quickly. Have them relish in the real them, and hold on for dear life to the friends who accept them as friends at face value and not just face book.