Currently Chasing: New Jeans

It’s a new year. I’m 36. THIRTY SIX. My life is a series of redundancies. Get up, go to work…try not to think about food. Watch whatever program Netflix suggests for me. 

I have two gym memberships, I teach Zumba four times a week and I bought a shit ton of cold weather gear for outdoor running. We also bought an elliptical machine and weight bench so there is that. Very obsessed with appearing to have it all together.

Not only do I still drink Diet Coke, but I recently bought a soda maker that allows me to make Diet Coke whenever I want by just adding concentrate soda syrup and some fizzies to water.

Thirty-six. I’m not married. I’m not even engaged. My boyfriend loves me. We bought a house together. Kind of. We couldn’t actually both be on the VA loan. Why not you ask? Because we aren’t MARRIED! So technically, I pay rent and he pays mortgage.  But he loves me. He’s not waiting for something better to come along! Don’t even say that! I should know. I’ve asked him. A lot. J

Blogging used to be so easy. I’d go out, see a bunch of freaks in legwarmers and blog all about it. I used to go on horrible dates with guys who didn’t deserve a shred of my time. And I would make up for my wasted time by spending even more time blogging about them. I would tell you all about the guy who could suck his own dick and the guys who could break my heart into tiny pieces. One of those guys I’m currently paying rent to. J

But now I’m thirty-six. And my life is a series of redundancies. So maybe I need a new shtick. Motherhood is played out. Everyone blogs about what their little darling is doing and saying. And lately the last thing I want to do is blog about the eye rolls and sighing I get from my darling little 11 year old. Her room smells like incents and nail polish remover and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, that’s not entirely true. Nail polish remover smells like absolute crap.

I am starting the new-year off weighing 145 pounds. It feels great. My goal is 140. And I don’t want to buy new clothes just yet because I want to wait till I’m at my goal. But in the meantime most of what I own looks horrible on me. So I’ve been wearing a lot of leggings. Leggings and sweater dresses. Because I’m scared to death to buy jeans…or anything that doesn’t stretch. Because I just know at any minute I’m going to be 40…and heavy. And no longer obsessed with drinking Herbalife shakes. And there you go. You think losing weight is going to change your life…but it really just paranoia’s you and costs you money. Maybe Fat was my Freedom all along?