Cookie Killer

(Original Post: November 16, 2005 - Wednesday)

Damn it! I'm on this f'n computer and I burnt some easy ass, no frills, place-in-the-oven-for-a-few-minutes cookies. God knows I didn't need the little bitches anyway, but good night! I'm pissed. Cause now I just smell burnt cookies. Which makes me want cookies, just to remember that they are fucking burnt.
I got more tickets to see Dane. I'm obsessed. I don't think legally there is anything he can do to me for being an obsessed stalker because technically I'm paying his ass. That reminds me of a story about money. I was out with my friend Conner once and we see a homeless man on the side of the street. He was sitting under a tree. The bottom of the tree had been enclosed with some sort of barred device. I'm not sure if anyone understands what I mean, but if you've been to b'more and looked at a fucking tree, then you know what I'm saying.
Anyway, the man has a cup out, and this drunken ass I'm with thinks he can throw a handful of change and make it into the cup. Genius. So he throws the change and it goes everywhere. The man without home is scrambling to pick it up before it falls between the bars. (*Break*...my eyes are now burning due to the smoke filling the room from the damn cookies. If my smoke alarm goes off I'm going to punch a baby.)On with the story. I look at him with a look that can only possibly say one thing. "What the fucking hell is your freakin ass problem dickfuck? I mean really?"
He looks at me with a look that can only really mean one thing. "I'm a total fucking dickfuck with a huge freakin ass problem." I guess he really was too drunk to realize he would not get the money into the cup. How drunk is that, by the way? Does anyone really get so drunk that they think to themselves...you know what? I could fucking throw some change at a bum from across this busy intersection, and 10 bucks says I make it into that tiny little medicine cup. And if there is such thing as that drunk, stop one beer before that point.
And while we are on it, is bum politically correct? They don't even say used car anymore, they say previously owned. So instead of bum we should say, previously homed. Just like you say previously married. No one says spouseless. Or they do, but they use an even more PC word. LUCKY.After that Conner gave bills to every previously homed man we passed ... but the damage had been done.Damn these devil cookies.