Tis the season bitches

(Original Post: December 18, 2005 - Sunday)

Note to world: Please stay home on Monday so I can fucking get some shopping done. My goodness, the Mall is a fucking mad house and I had to pay money for a parking spot. AKA Valet. At all Mall! Any little way they can get a dime.
I saw King Kong. Every scene was five minutes too long. King Kong saves the girl from not one, not two, not three, but four dinosoars. The crazy thing is those beasts tried to get that dumb white girl for like 30 minutes of this movie. They would not let it go. Let me tell you something, if I want a mcnugget, and some guy is kicking the fuck out of my face, not to mention that I just watched him rip my buddies jaws apart, I'm probably going to just skip the meal. I mean damn, she was a mcnugget. If your hungry, eat your dead buddy. Yes, I'm serious when I say thirty minutes. I knew you were wondering.
And guess what else. If I love you, and you are chilling on top of the Empire State Building, I'm gonna hang tight on the ground and wait for you to come down. I mean, WTF? She climbs all the way to the top to wave the planes away. Like they are going to say, oh goodness, how silly we are. We thought no one loved this huge BigFoot that is causing death and destruction all over New York. But this little mcnugget loves him, so let's just leave them be, shall we. People still aren't comfortable with man on man love and we want them to accept BigFoot and mcnugget love? Not going to happen. Specially in a time where apples cost a nickel. I know you feel me. I don't even have to ask.
I went to the club on Saturday. TPCC. Trailer Park Cancun Cantina. TPCC was rocking though. I had a blastie. Drinks were too strong. Way too strong. I had two drinks and I couldn't remember my name or my original hair color. I saw a girl in a one piece jean pant suit. It fit her like a body condom.
Today I went to the mall to pick up some last minute gifts. If you get a gift from me this year and it looks like I put zero to no thought in it at all, it's not because the good intentions weren't there. It's because the season makes it impossible to give a shit about anything. You can't walk through the mall without getting raped by a lotion lady or a head massage vendor. My credit card just got passed around a bit and then when I left the mall I had some bags full of shit. The end. I can not even pretend to know what happen in between those two events. And if you did not get a gift at all, let me know. I have a hundred random items that I bought for the 'in case I forgot your ass' pile. It will probably be lotion or a head massager, and I'll toss one your way. Or if you want to wait till after Christmas, I'm sure there will be plenty 'somebody forgot my ass' gifts thrown my way. You can choose one of those.
Tis the Season bitches.