Who would have thought?

(Original Post: April 3, 2006 - Monday)

I once heard that the perfect place to meet single men was in a laundromat. The theory behind it goes like this: If they are in the laundromat then the odds of them being in relationships are slim. I guess this is assumed because if they were in a relationship then they would have their bitch doing laundry for them.
Well guess what? I do not want to date a man who cannot afford a washing machine. Or a guy who calls me a bitch. Or stands by and says nothing while some girl in a blog calls me one. Moving on.
I then heard that the grocery store was the ideal place to find the man of your dreams. They will be in the frozen food section shopping for hungry man dinners. The theory behind this was that if a man is eating frozen meals, it is most likely because he has no one cooking for him. But then I remembered that I don't cook. It's possible there are other women out there like me. And I remembered my loathing for grocery shopping. So I guess it is possible that then men in these sections are single, but if they aren't then they are most likely pissed at my gender.
And while we are on possibilities, it is possible my failure to cook or grocery shop have contributed to my status, but let's not focus on how this could my fault. Moving on.
Three worst places to meet someone: At work, in your general living area (neighbor), or in your home (roommate). This has been a problem of mine for quite some time. Well not the roommate part. I mean My friend is great for sure. Trust me, it's not her, it's me. And the people who live next door. Well, let's just say no. Although I did hear the woman next door once. And when I say heard, I mean, Holy F'N Jeebus she was loud. Sounded like a good time. But still no. Again, It's not her, it's me. She's probably a great lady.
But the work thing. Yep, weakness. I mean seriously. When is there time to meet people outside of work? the people at work become your friends, then when you go out on the weekends you invite those new work friends. So then you get drunk with these friends and they become better friends. Then the best. Then you want each other dead. What makes this relationship different from any other? Oh yeah, you have to see this devil every day. You hear about other relationships they are in. You hear how happy they are and how easily they moved on. And what's worse? They hear about how you are still single. And then you can't really hang with them anymore which pisses off your other friends, because you crossed a line and made everything awkward. Way to go loser.
My point is this: I have found the perfect place to meet men. I found it by accident. I was only trying to clean out the clutter in my life. Such a random act of responsibility on my part to be honest.
The self car wash. I know, it has been right there in front of us this whole time. This perfectly amazing untapped resource.
If you are a girl washing your car at the self car wash, then the chances of you being single are high. I mean, if you are a woman in general these days, the chances of you being single, or on your way there, are high. Let's be honest. But nothing says single quite as loud as a female trying to figure out what arm and hammer is for. It's kind of like the man doing the laundry thing, if you get my stereotype.
And what's better is, you know he can afford a car, and you can tell what type of guy you are dealing with, by how much time he is taking on his vehicle.
There is the married guy doing a rush job on the minivan. And the not-so-single guy either is having his car detailed or driving through the automatic car wash. And then there are the single men. they are the ones taking hours on their jeep or SUV. Most likely it is a bit muddy from a weekend trip, or perhaps they are putting some finishing touches on it before a blind date with a girl they met on MySpace. Whatever the case, they have all the time in the world to spend on their car. They are waxing. They are buffing. However, they are not buying a fragrance. Oh no. A fragrance says, I'm taken. A non fragrance says, I haven't met her yet. Not to say married men don't buff and wax, but they do it at home. Because they have a home. And their wives don't let them leave it.
I was asked twice if I needed help. One guy tried to explain to me all the different notches. "This is for the tires, Ma'am." The other guy approached while I was washing the roof of the car. "Do you need help with that?"
They were both summarily dismissed. BTW. Summarily is my word of the day. Look it up and then steal it if you'd like. I did.
So there you go girls. Go wash your cars. The worst thing that will happen is you'll get your car clean. The best thing that could happen is you become someone's fragrance.