Currently Chasing: The Magic Meatball of Marriage

My daughter got a magic meatball the other day. It is kind of like a magic 8 Ball except that it is a meatball. She’s been asking it questions ever since.

Is my mom beautiful?

The Meatball says yes.

Is my mom mean?

The Meatball says ask again later.

Is my mom mean?

The Meatball says Maybe, but only when you deserve for her to be. Or something like that.

Anyway, last night I picked it up just on a whim and asked it if I would get married again.

The Meatball says Maybe.

I got excited. I mean, if the meatball says it, it must be true. But why was I excited? I’ve been giving marriage such a bad rap lately. Why would I want to be on the other end of it?

I’ll tell you why. A friend of mine (and she knows who she is) has really been driving the point home to me lately that she is happily married. I’ve been trying to just ignore her and continue nay saying the unions…but every time I turn around, there she is holding hands and laughing with her husband. She even totally disproves my theory on distance. Her and her husband live and work together, and they have for years. They have kids, bills and responsibilities…but they also have one other thing that makes all the difference. Respect for each other.

Up till this point all I could concentrate on were the negative things. The cheating that keeps plastering the televisions channels. The couples in my life that break up and get back together like they’re a bad 80s hair band. The men I date who seem to only be on this earth to waste my time and their lives.

But there is more out there. There are men who compliment their wives and continue after years of marriage to refer to them as their bride. There are men I know who refer to their girlfriends as wifey even though they aren’t married. There is a man I know who keeps a couples calendar at his desk. Every month is a different picture of him and his fiancé. I even know one guy who is skinny as shit, but on a diet because he wants to support his wife, who started the diet to lose weight. This love thing ain’t all bad.

And you know what little meatball? I want it. Can I have it?

The Meatball says ask again later.

And I did.

Why? Because I want someone to hold my hand and take me to a movie. Because I want someone through sickness and health. Because I want someone for richer or poorer. For all those reasons, I asked again later.

Will I get married?

The Meatball says no.

Oh what the fuck do you know…you’re a damn Meatball for Christ’s sake!