Currently Chasing: The Taste of Thin

I have been working out a lot lately. But it’s not by choice. I paid for some personal training sessions, and now I’ve been so lazy in previous months that out of my 28 sessions, I’ve only used eight. That leaves 20 half-hour sessions, and with only 19 days left to use them, I’ve had to shift myself into overdrive. I’ve even started doing some hour-long sessions. I can feel it all literally killing me.

The problem is, for every bit of working out I’m doing, there is a Twinkie standing by waiting for me to use it as a throat swab. All of the working out I’m doing seems to be for nothing, and it’s pretty damn depressing.

My friend let me borrow the Zone Diet book. It sat in the back of my car for five days. When it did finally make its way into my house I used it as a paperweight. She asked for it back a week or so later. I told her I wrote down all the recipes I wanted. Truth is I actually had to search a bit for the book. It was under a box of Twinkies.

This type of sabotage is normal for me so I don’t know why I even bother still talking about it. When I was pregnant with my daughter I would eat dinner on the way to dinner. When I delivered my daughter I weighed 265 pounds. Yep. That’s right. And no amount of hair dye was covering that up I assure you.

I was approached by a guy who was not afraid to call a baby ugly. And also was not afraid to call a big-boned girl “FAT.”

He got me into shape…(I can’t say back into shape, because there was never really a shape to begin with.) So I’ve been down to that 150 range. I’ve had a glimpse of a petite me. But there’s another petite I prefer; a Bon Appétit.

They say nothing tastes as good as thin feels. But have you ever tasted a taco from Jack in the Box…or cold stone ice cream on a hot day? It’s irresistible. And yeah, I’ll go home, strip down naked, look in the mirror and cry later; turn around, stare at my butt and go into a full on emotional breakdown, but for some reason it still doesn’t stop me from asking for extra bread and a dessert menu.

Because there is shit that tastes as good as thin feels. And today it was 27 skittles.