Currently Chasing: The End of the Error

A friend of mine has finally ended her love affair with a married man. And not a moment too soon.

I’m not saying I haven’t traveled down the dusty, desperate path of wanting something someone else has, but it’s never done anything but leave me empty and ashamed.  And despite my advice and experience, she did what I begged her not to do. She fell for him.

Why do women sleep with married men? I think it’s because women think they won’t ever find themselves vulnerable with that man. Why would they? What’s the fear? Only that his wife will find out. But beyond that, there is no risk. He’s already taken. What’s he going to do? Cheat on you with another woman? He’s already cheating. You KNOW he’s already a cheater. That fear can be put to rest. You don’t really have to trust him, so it’s safe. Your heart will never really fully open and be swallowed and consumed with feelings of nervousness, insecurities and vulnerabilities because it’s not real. He already has that with someone else. There is a wife at home feeling all of those emotions and that saves you from having to feel anything except guilt. You know the relationship isn’t going anywhere, but you know as long as he can have you he isn’t going anywhere either. He’ll still come back to you. Kind of a sense of stability right? You’re not going to argue because there is nothing to argue about. No money to fight over, no kids. And you definitely won’t be complaining about the sex … chances are that’s all that is keeping you together. He’s going to want to fuck you all the time because you’re not his wife. He’s getting the 20 percent from you that his 80 percent wife isn’t giving him.

But she will tell me that he’s getting the 80 percent from her and his wife is only giving 20 percent. And you know what … I know her, and I know she’s a giver, so let’s go out on a limb and say that’s true. She’s giving him 80 percent and his wife is only giving him 20. That’s even WORSE. Cause while she’s giving everything he’s only giving 7 inches, which doesn’t even amount to 10 percent. What is he doing for you that is so god-damn great besides wanting you to talk dirty to him and tell him he’s the best, but not after 7 p.m. because that’s when he’s home with his wife.

Will he be there to wipe your son’s nose when he’s sick? Hell, will he even be there to wipe yours?  He can’t call you ever and he doesn’t like to text. And his wife may have cheated on him, and even be a horrible person, but it doesn’t matter. He’s not cheating on her because he wants to leave her. He’s cheating on her because he has the opportunity. If you take the opportunity away then nothing changes except that you aren’t in the picture. He isn’t going to cry himself to sleep at night. He isn’t going to sit by the phone hoping you’ll change your mind and he damn sure isn’t going to call and beg you back. He’s going to go home and take his kids to the Zoo.

Oh I’m sorry, he told you that he loved you…He does sweetie. What’s not to love? You’ve given him everything he wants and he doesn’t have to do anything in return. I’d love that too. I’m glad she wised up. I told her to come out here and get one of these “Out of Country” boys I’ve found. Canada, Britain, Australia … breaking up later because of distance is more acceptable than breaking up because he needs to get home to his family.